New England Patriots Scandal Round 2

brady

As much as his monotone mumbling makes every press conference simply unbearable, it’s still enjoyable to watch the Miranda Priestly of football drown in the Bermuda Triangle of media scrutiny.

Bill Belichick – a future Hall of Fame coach with a ruthlessly strict and unwavering approach – has told you everything he knows. But it’s not enough; even if he gave an actual answer.

DeflateGate, the second coming of SpyGate for NFL fans, has hit news stands with a fury we haven’t seen since the Unit’s crushing of a pigeon in ’01. According to the trolling throng of drama-hungry sources, 11 of 12 footballs were underinflated “2 pounds per square inch below what’s required by NFL regulations” during New England’s tearfully dominating AFC Championship victory over the Indianapolis Colts this past Sunday.

This is not to say that the Andrew Luck’s squad didn’t deserve to get trounced – seriously, 7 total points. However, while Belichick takes all the heat, one has to wonder.. where was Tom Brady in all this? Oh, he’s there.

If you listen to his press conference carefully, you’ll hear a hint of subtle accusation. “It’s Tom’s personal preference,” he said, essentially passing the blame baton on to his quarterback.

What a guy.

But maybe he’s right (John Madden thinks so). Maybe the mad scientist, Victor Frankenstein of quarterbacking wanted to spark a new trend, innovate a new monster. As if the offensively powered league wasn’t offense-favored enough. Like the Sprint commercial details, “we want more, we want more.” Fans can never get enough offense, so maybe Brady was on to something. Or maybe Giselle Bundchen digs the long ball, deflated balls, or revolutionaries, who knows.

In the end all he did was create another circus, one that unfortunately doesn’t end in a remarkable rendition of “puttin’ on the ritz.”

UPDATE: Tom Brady doesn’t like anyone touching his perfect balls, according to his riveting press conference.

*Original Background Image via thecolbertreport.cc.com

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