Speaking of rubber chickens – is anyone living a better life right now than New England Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski? I defy you to name someone with a straight face. This gargantuan, hairless gorilla just won the god damn Super Bowl (see 2015), happens to be the highest paid Tight End in the history of Football, is running around LA banging everything in sight, and of course is also just 25 years old.
One can only imagine where Gronk is right now. After getting his crew of squids/fratboys/homies a night of dancing with Flo-Rida, we’d have to imagine he’s sleeping under a table with 6 or 7 chicks, missing dozens of media appearances and generally not giving a fuck.
Good on you, Gronk. If there’s one Patriot we don’t hate, it’s this real-life Billy Madison (If Adam Sandler was 6’7’’ and amazing at football outside of The Waterboy). Do you, bro.
On a side note, Aaron Hernandez probably feels great right about now. But that’s a story for another day.